One principal of my posts is that we do not waste energy retrospectively dissecting the details of “what went wrong” in the election, as that can quickly turn into “second arrow” activities such as assigning blame and regretful hand-wringing. Nevertheless, to improve as a nation, we need to think about the cultural forces that have made the president-elect so appealing to so many. One clue to those forces is the growing “gender gap” in voting – the extent to which men and women support different parties. Why are so many men, including young men, drawn to the President-elect?
A real man?
He is an icon of a certain type of masculinity. Many see the President-elect as a “tough guy” and want that quality in their president. One could see his willingness to say and do things that no politician has done before, the breaking of norms, as a form of boldness. The mighty attacks on him that failed to destroy him -multiple indictments and multiple impeachments – made him appear invincible. He’s a tough adversary. He is one who goes out to win and gets what he wants. He has ambition and virility. He has a limited emotional range but readily expresses anger, the “allowed” emotion in this version of masculinity. A popular attack line against him, that he is a would-be dictator who will destroy American democracy, also builds him up to be strong and capable, even if for malign intent. These qualities, many feel, make him a real man.
Or a real wimp?
But the rest of us see someone who is not masculine at all. We see a playground bully, one who hides insecurity or self-loathing beneath a facade of bravado. We see a thin-skinned narcissist requiring constant praise and attention, and thus someone easily goaded and manipulated. He inhabits a world of make-believe and demands that those around him support his fantasies (for example, regarding the crowd size at his 2017 inauguration, denial of the 2020 election loss, even his mistaken prediction on the track of a hurricane). He has poor impulse control. These are all qualities of a child, not a man. Where real men are protectors of the people they love and care for, we see an abuser of women and someone who readily trashes his most loyal friends (such as Mike Pence, and Jeff Sessions). Few parents would want to see his qualities in their son, and even fewer would want them in their son-in-law. And thus his masculinity is a fraud.
Filling a void
However, let’s acknowledge that the President-elect’s brand of masculinity does have one positive element that is in short supply in many modern discussions of the topic : self-acceptance. He makes men feel that they are OK as they are. The rest of our culture has been adept at defining what type of masculinity is “toxic” – but less so at presenting positive instructions on what makes a “good man”. Into this societal void walked Mr. Trump with his arms open. And many men, including good and kind men, found a home there. For those men, what a relief to be in a group that, at long last, values who they are and doesn’t see their masculine identity as toxic, a dark force in need of suppression.
The hero’s journey…
When our son was born, I read a thought provoking-book, “The Wonder of Boys“, by Michael Gurion. The author’s perspective is that of an anthropologist, studying the transition of boys into men, across different cultures and times. He asks: What do boys need to become good men? According to Gurion, when he reaches a certain age, every boy seeks at a psychological level to make a “hero’s journey”. In this journey, he tackles a big challenge, confronts the “shadow” of his own aggression, and integrates that shadow into his new, more adult persona, disciplined and in command of his urges. In the journey he finds purpose and a spiritual connection to the larger world. He naturally seeks strong male mentorship to guide him. Many stories and myths throughout time are based on the hero’s journey.
And that journey’s corruption
The need for his journey into purposeful manhood is so strong, argues Michael Gurion, that if no positive purpose is provided, a boy will find a sinister one. That’s why poorly mentored boys are so susceptible to joining criminal organizations such as gangs. Gangs and cults are often run by charismatic leaders, who can be seductive as male “mentors”, as they often show off desirable “masculine” trappings like power, money, and women. (Hmmm… remind you of anyone?) A boy or young man hungry for a mentor can mistakenly believe that such a leader can guide their journey into purposeful manhood. But this corrupted version of the journey wont lead the boy to true joy, spiritual connection, or a positive role in their community and family.
Battle for the souls of boys
Championing their own limited brand of masculinity, The Trump wing of the Republican party has made a claim to be the only home for “real men”. This is the most culturally damaging aspect of Trump’s success and it must be countered. Don’t we want our boys to develop traditional positive masculine values such as courage, integrity, discipline, and self-sacrifice? If so, the rest of us must wrestle back the symbolism, celebration, and teaching of masculinity so that we can raise boys to be better men than the one just returned to power. This would have two important long-term effects: Mitigate the corruption of our political life by weakness masquerading as toughness, and improve the prospects for a generation of boys now at greater risk of worshipping false masculine idols. As we carry out the important task of teaching boys what they cannot do, especially with respect to treatment of women, let’s also be sure to show them a sacred, loving vision of who they are and of what they can be. Or would you prefer to leave that task to Mr. Trump?